What “They” Said: P3 Play Parties Coming To a Close

1 Nov

It has been a great honor to have organized and help sustain queer and trans play party gatherings for almost 12 years. My play parties were born from a need in (some) queer and trans People of Color (POC) communities, as was the group that started it all. These early steps into my sexual liberation journey created a positive domino affect for future works. Shades of Poly (SOP) came about for the same reasons that the play parties emerged. I didn’t see enough POC within this “sexual alternative world.” Groups and play spaces were predominantly White and lacked racial consciousness. I came out as polyamorous and felt alone. Every group I attended was, as I stated, predominantly White and or  cis-male dominated. There began my venture into finding out why POC were not accessing those spaces or why White folks were not making those spaces accessible to us. Soon after embarking on my quest to find answers, I did what most of us do. I started my own group.

SOP emerged under the guise of Poly Patao Productions (P3). SOP was a social group in which queer and trans POC who identified as poly, eternally single, creepers, excessive daters, cheaters, non-monogamous, freaky and or kinky, came together for workshops, discussions and later on the play parties.  I found community at SOP. We educated each other and grew together. After about 4 years of heading the group, I handed it over to group members. I was ready to move from social groups to more of a political framework. At that time, a lover and I began Revolutionstar.

Revolutionstar was a joint effort of my P3 work and her work.  We worked together for about 3 years. In that time, we organized community events such as “Rev-Ho-Lution.” We created a series of educational classes, which combined sexuality and politics called “Poly-tics.” We produced play parties, we wrote articles and we organized several sexual liberation retreats called “Purge.” The work we accomplished was amazing. In the end, we went our separate ways and continued doing our individual work and I continued to concentrate on P3.

Then and now, my work expanded to include performances, film, blog, anthology writings, workshops, and lectures. Throughout all of the political and artistic work, I worked hard to maintain the play parties. In the beginning, the parties were POC-only and later on, intentional multi-racial play spaces. At first the parties were sporadic, then monthly, seasonal and eventually stayed at every other month. The parties have cycled from “The Play Party Named Desire,” to “Afternoon Delight,” to “PHUK IT!” These play parties have held anywhere from 15 to 60 people. They have been multi-racial. They have ranged from $10-$25. They have catered to people 21 years of age to 67. These parties have enjoyed a wonderful array of  body types and gender expressions. Damn! I’m gonna miss these parties.

It has been an absolute joy to organize these parties. I’ve often stated that my parties where a wonderful gateway to other events and parties. It sort of broke you in and allowed for more. I simultaneously catered to the “newbie” and the expert. In my guesstimation,  over 75% of participants had never been to a play party, were traumatized by an all White party or had been to a play party but never played. Throughout the years I have been told that my parties created comfort, ease and allowed people to explore. I am so happy that I had a hand in satisfying many people. LOL! Unfortunately, as all good things, this too must come to an end. Just the parties, not the satisfying! It’s been a long run and now my energy will refocus. I plan on re-working my website.  I’ll be trying to concentrate more on producing my documentary and hopefully writing a book or two. Although I will not organize the bi-monthly play parties, I will continue to organize “Four-Play,” the traveling play party.

I want to thank everyone who has ever come to one of P3’s parties. Your enthusiasm and support has meant so much to me. I’m so happy I was able to walk with you, if only for a moment, of your life long sexual liberation journey. Thank you for entrusting me to try and create a safer space for you. Thank you for letting go and having fun in ways you have never done in public. Thank you for understanding why these spaces were so much more important than just a place to fuck. Thank you! I hope to see you all at sporadic parties and of course my final play party PHUK IT! November 10, 2012.

Sexual Liberation for all!!!

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What “They” Said: Sexual Liberation???

17 Oct

Intro 

The concept of sexual liberation has sprouted an array of subtopics that are a culmination of my work as a sex(uality) educator. There is so much to write on the idea of sexual liberation that I’ve decided to create a series of these topics. The next several blog posts will be dedicated to “Sexual Liberation.”  Below, I’ve begun with an overview of my thoughts on the broad subject. The posts to come, will feature subcategories of sexual liberation concepts such as safe space, race play, the politics of sex and fetish co-opting of marginalized cultures.

 Thoughts on Sex Lib

I’ve created and facilitated several workshops focused on sexual liberation. Sexual liberation, much like other terms hold different meanings to different people. I’ve focused on liberation as an intentional path in one’s life. I do not frame it as one’s destination. It’s a journey we choose to take, stay on, fall off, re-route and so on. In my opinion, you never get to it–exhale and relax. You never look back and say to yourself, “I finally made it.”  If we did, then we would forget how we got there. We would get a little too comfortable. We could no longer be active in the journey because there would be no place to go. My hope for sexual liberation, we’d always be mindful, alert and in motion. We’d be moving towards this place, that’s not a place, but a constant ever shifting realm that holds the entirety of our experiences. Does that make sense?

When I searched for sexual liberation on Google, I found that many results placed the focus on sex. It was about the act of it. It was about the shift of who was doing it, how they were doing it, with whom they were doing it and how much. I guess it makes sense to think squarely about SEX when digesting the idea of sexual liberation. Another search result was Wikipedia’s definition. Wikipedia positions sexual liberation within the experience of the sexual revolution:

The sexual revolution (also known as a time of “sexual liberation”) was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the Western world from the 1960s to the 1980s. Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage). Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalization of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

What came first, the chicken or the egg; sexual liberation or the revolution? Whether it was the catapult or the product, sexual liberation IS about sex. It’s also about the history of the sexual revolution that helps keep us on the endless path. Sexual liberation is embedded in understanding systems of oppression, the role of power, communication and accountability. It incorporates and goes beyond the physical act of sex. It soars and helps us name our desires. Encourages us to bring it to the forefront, share it, do it and learn from it. Sexual liberation isn’t about careless, crazed, selfish sex addiction. In my minds eye, it’s about honesty, growth, agency and sexual health.

I fear some of us on the journey have claimed a false sense of “arrival.” Much like people who deem themselves anti-racists, “sexually liberated” people have stopped traveling, unpacked their bags and are relaxing in the bliss of so-called liberation. I think lots of us have done it. At one point in my own journey, I thought I had reached my final destination but I was dead wrong. A friend of mine held me accountable to my words and my actions. I was so grateful for that. It reminded me. He reminded me of my continued journey. I hope this will remind some of you.

For some of us, one act propelled us into a sexual freedom we’d only dreamed about. That act might have been, asking for what you want, going to a play party, saying no, touching yourself for the first time, looking at yourself naked, watching porn, having queer sex or coming out as polyamorous. We feel different, happy, invigorated and shall I say, sexually liberated. The sexual freedom and liberation we feel is subjective. It holds different meaning for everyone. Hopefully if we are intentional about being on this journey, we can function within a framework that is universal. This framework can help keep guiding us and remind us that we do not live in a vacuum. We are connected to the wider world. Whether we are speaking of sexual liberation or the revolution, these uprisings initially came about to level the playing fields between men and women. It was a fight to question/shift gender roles and sexual expectations. It was about women having more say over their own bodies. The revolution grew and continues to grow, therefore we must move and grow with it. When we end the journey, several things can occur: we take on false titles as being sexually liberated, we stop or forget about the work ahead of us, we sometimes segregate ourselves in bubbles of comfort and we position ourselves in a place of sexual privilege.

Bubbles of comfort

I absolutely love my bubble! My bubble of comfort consists of queer and trans kinky activists and or artists of color. These are my people. They get me. We understand each other. In my bubble, I don’t have to explain race/ racism or my pronoun. In my bubble, I feel at home. These bubble serve many purposes especially for oppressed and marginalized folks. For example, a bubble of Queer people with disabilities is very different from a bubble of White cis men. One bubble is out of necessity/survival and the other is something else completely. I see my bubble/bubbles of those whom are marginalized, as a very essential function for our mental health. In the same breath, we must be careful not to isolate ourselves. Existing exclusively in our bubbles can limit us. Flowing in and outside our bubbles gives us perspective, allows us to receive ally ship, forces us to challenge ourselves  and others. It allows for accountability.

Sexual privilege

To name ourselves sexually enlightened or liberated gives us the false sense that we can do no wrong within our sexual lives. This is simply not true. I have been on my path for some time now, and I continue to make mistakes. It reminds me that I am human. It pushes me to dig deeper and allows me to go further. I will always have something to learn. Our ideas of sexual liberation could also work to make us seem holier-than-thou in comparison to other groups of people on different points on the path. We also run the risk of having our bubble of comfort, morph from necessity to an exclusionary click. It gives the notion that the supposed further you are on this path, the better, smarter, superior sex and ultimate understanding of sex(ulaity) you have. We then aid in creating yet another hierarchy. Sexual liberation should be spiral, linear or continuous. It should be ever flowing. We should be able to move side to side, up or down. This very idea supports gender transition, coming out as queer or poly, being a switch or the act of pegging. Once upon a time, there lived only one idea of sex/sexuality. Do we want to revert to the one idea or experience the complexities of this continuous revolution? Liberation is messy. It doesn’t fit into a nice simple package. That is the beauty of it.

Universal framework

To reiterate, when we stay exclusively in our bubbles or we claim a sort of sexual enlightenment that sets us apart from everyone else we get stuck. We limit ourselves from the continued growth and the idea of an endless path of knowledge. Staying open to our own sexual realities as well as those outside of it aids to inform us in a micro and macro way. Our paths are our own and simultaneously collective pieces of information we share. This sharing also allows in the minimizing of secluded paths. When we feel we are alone, we feel that no one feels as we do. We see our experience as isolated and thus not a part of the larger world. Understanding our connection to the larger world puts into perspective the idea of liberation as a political concept. For example, the fight for women’s rights, struggle against sodomy laws, abortion issues, the de-sexualization and sterilization of people with disabilities, transgender rights, gay liberation and the fight for comprehensive sex education in this country.

There have been many proposed suggestions for guiding principles in sexual liberation. Even within this framework, the unpacking of these terms are hugely subjective. Some guidelines may be communication, consent, boundary setting, safer sex, non-coerciveness, non-violence and self-love. Once we grasp these things for ourselves they can shift. Our lessons are not rigid. They are shift-able. We have the right to do what is fit for us. Our passage allows us to accept or reject where we stand in this path. We get to question, examine, discuss and hash out what communication is to us. We figure out how to set boundaries. We try to understand what self-love is. What does safer sex look like? How is my definition in comparison to the person/persons I want to engage with? Our work is to explore. No one has one true answer. There are many. Whether we intentionally name our journey sexual liberation or we just start walking, we are all on a path.

Sexual Liberation for all!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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Check it out!: We-Vibe 3

12 Sep

We-Vibe has done it again…but better! I’ve owned the We-Vibe 1, the We-Vibe 2 and now– happily, the We-Vibe 3!

The We-Vibe is what some might call a “modern day” adult toy. It’s a unique, handy, small, multi-purpose gadget. At first sight, you might think, “What the heck is that?” “How do you use it?” Don’t get discouraged by it’s strange “C” shape. It’s cleverly designed to be worn while enjoying penetration.

The bottom end of the “C” shape enters the front hole, cunt or pussy while the top of the “C” rests on the clit or dik. You can experience a variety of vibration modes while the bottom portion of the toy nuzzles your g-spot. It’s the only toy on the market that is designed for not only dual stimulation (external and internal) but also dual stimulation that is enhanced with inserting your partner’s dick, a dildo, or a hand into your hole. The fingers, cock or dildo rub up against the bottom of the inserted “C” and help to push it further into your g-spot. The vibration is felt by both of you.

What sets the We-Vibe 3 aside from the 1 and 2 is power, convenience and style. All of the vibes are 100% silicone and function the same way but the We-Vibe 1 simply had a switch that turned it on and off. It felt great but only had one setting. The 1 was a good beginning to a great toy. The 2 stepped it up a notch by giving us 9 vibration modes and the 3 knocked it out the park by giving us 40% more power, making it totally water proof (not water resistant), the use of a remote control (rather than pressing the head of the toy to change modes) and a snazzy carrying case that doubles as the charger.

..But wait, that’s not all. Although it’s designed to be used as a couples toy–“WE”-VIBE–get it? It can also be used as a solo toy. Insert and enjoy. Insert, rock on it and enjoy. Insert, use a vibrator or dildo and super enjoy!

But wait, there’s even more! Although the toy is not marketed to be used anally, IT CAN! The silicone material makes this toy one that can be used in both orifices without transmitting bacteria or yeast. Insert the bottom portion into your bum and the top part can vibrate oh so wonderfully on the perineum. If you have a prostate, this can feel amazing. Try it alone or insert something else in there too! The balls like to be nestled by the We-Vibe as well. Just gently open the “C” shape flexible mouth and wrap it around the balls to give them an extra UMPH! Give a blowjob or a sweet hand job to accommodate.

There are just two things that I think can be improved on but truly minor in comparison to all the joy this toy brings. 1. To turn the W-Vibe on, you must turn it on by pressing the top edge point of the “C”, and then the remote can be used. You can, however turn the toy off with the remote buy just holding down on it. 2. The remote (of course) does not function through the body so in the throws of passion you must aim the remote towards the toy. On the upside, the remote works up to 10 feet away.

There you have it! A multifaceted toy that’s hypoallergenic, waterproof and did I mention rechargeable. It’s couple and solo friendly and loves to be put into and around multiple (fun) places. Yeah We-Vibe 3!

You can purchase We-Vibe 3 or any We-Vibe product via their website, go to The Pleasure Chest website or just go to your local Pleasure Chest store  (In New York, Chicago or Los Angeles). ENJOY!!!!

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What “They” Said: These Things

13 Aug

I.

When I was a child, I prayed for “them”

Them

Those things that separated the little girls from desirable womanhood

Papa Dios, if you give them to me, I promise…

Te lo prometo que…

I’ll be a good girl

He never answered

I kept praying

And other girls continued to exceed

In comparison

To me

 

I’d listen to and implement action to remedy my lack of these

Examining, probing pinching and hoping to catch up

I wore my 1st training bra when I was 10

Didn’t need to though

My nipples barely puffed out

To be noticed

 

II

He rubbed them so completely

Using the palm of his hands

To explore

Circular motions

My chest rose and fell

With each deep breath of excitement

It was the 1st time they were touched

With my wanting

I wondered if he’d want to touch them again

Or touch another 12-year olds­­­–

Whose heaves ASCEND higher than mine

 

III.

They dripped constantly

Ached

That was the biggest they have ever been

CLEAVAGE!

There was no hiding them

I had grown accustomed to having so little

In this life

That I felt “sexy” un-comfortability

They had become a focal point

I was no longer “me”

I became “them”

My voluptuous breasts were my identity marker

For men

 

At 18 I found myself propelled to exhibit this un-comfortability

A point I had to make

Nursing in public was under attack

We took our stand

Sitting on the trains, in parks and on buses

We took our stand

Against sexual men who could not

Hold it in their pants

We took a stand

We laid bare

Our children fed

And men found a way to keep their sexual sanity

In the mists of naked protest

 

IV.

I decided to burn my bras!

I walked about exposed

Dark nipples grazed white tanks

I felt power

I choose this form of protest

Deliverance

My 20’s were filled with rallies, organizing and clenched fists rising

Bouncy, bra-less dykes

Who didn’t give a fuck

About how men felt

About it

These things

Our collective things

I am elated

Free

 

V.

In my 30’s gravity had begun

The aftermath of nursing

Had depleted the density of the curves

But it had not depleted my want for these things

 

Sports bras are what I used

Then

Exhibition CLOSED!

The push-up

Under-wire

The non-existent barrier

Between the world and myself

Shifted

I eliminated the inevitable bounce

And the onset of sag

They were nicely compacted

 

But I unwillingly reinstated the focal point

Masculinity added a questionable gaze

Confusion

They were to be viewed

Examined

Violently feared

 

I grew confused by my relationship to them

Others confused me

The molding of them

Up and out

Accepted

My new molding of them,

Tight

Condensed

Less revealing

Unsafe

Unsafely tucked away

 

 

VI.

Here I am

40 and beyond

I’m not supposed to like these things

Anymore

 

We proclaim untruths

A re-telling

Re- learning of gender and sex

We proclaim that the body dictates NOT who we are

I experience this untruth

Because I am brushed aside

Erased

My body cracked open

Exposed to probing eyes

Intrusive questions

Validity needed here

 

I have these things that I do not hate

I feel no need to terminate

Binder on

I am trans

Binder off

I am

Questionable yet again

 

We speak lies of fluidity

We utter it as a possibility

A utopia that is never reached

Most travel to the edges

Some pushed

They fall because of this

Falsely reconstructing the constructed

I visit these places

I do not want to stay

I am most comfortable navigating the waves

 

These things that live upon me

My body

Are my power and my weakness

Time has changed their purpose

Changed my love

Discomfort

My acceptance of them

These wonderful

Sexual

Scary

Powerful

Sagging

Stretched-marked

Depleted…

These things

These things that live upon my body

 

 

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Check it out! Jimmy Jane’s Form 4

19 Jun

I have to say that Jimmy Jane is one of my favorite toy companies. Jimmy Jane makes quality high-end toys. If you want a toy that packs power, is backed by a 3-year warranty, is body safe, waterproof, quiet, rechargeable and powerful. Then, look no further. Jimmy Jane is the creator of a variety of vibrators including but not limited to the Form 2 (my favorite), the Form 3, 4 and 6. All pack a super strong vibration that you’d expect from something you plug into the wall. The Form 2 and 3 are external toys. The Form 4 and 6 work either externally or internally.

I’m usually a connoisseur of anything curved for g-spot stimulation so I was skeptical about using the Form 4 internally. I found that the vibration was strong enough to get off on. I do have to say that I enjoyed this toy more so anally. It is not promoted as an anal toy but of course I stuck it in–knowing it would not get sucked into outer space. The body of the toy is curvy enough to act as a flared base. My ass totally pulsated to the 5 power levels and 4 vibration modes. I think I’ll keep this vibe in my anal toy draw.

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Look it! SIECUS Press Release on Fiscal 2013 Budget and Sex Ed…

23 May

 

 

 

 

For Immediate Release                               Contact: Jen Heitel Yakush
February 14, 2012                                      202.265.2405 / jyakush@siecus.org

 

President’s Fiscal Year 2013 Budget Proves
Continued Commitment to Sex Education
Washington, DC–Yesterday the President released his budget for Fiscal Year (FY) 2013, which begins on October 1, 2012. While providing level funding for many health-related programs, the $3.8 trillion budget manages to preserve the core of many domestic initiatives designed to increase access to sexual and reproductive health information and services. The budget shows the Obama administration’s continued commitment to supporting the goals of the National HIV/AIDS Strategy (NHAS) and to reducing the number of unintended pregnancies, HIV infections, and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among young people.
“We commend the President for expressing his continued commitment to more comprehensive approaches to sex education and to providing young people with the information they need about pregnancy, HIV, and STI prevention so they can make healthy and responsible decisions about their sexual health,” said Monica Rodriguez, President and CEO of the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS). “The President recently called for an “AIDS Free Generation” and we at SIECUS know this cannot be achieved without educating young people and creating a sexually health America. We are particularly pleased with the commitment from the President and the CDC to school health and restoring funding for the Division of Adolescent and School Health.”

The Division of Adolescent and School Health (DASH) took a devastating hit in the Fiscal Year 2012 Appropriations Omnibus when its funding was reduced by $10 million, a reduction of 25 percent. The increase in DASH funding, back to the FY 2011 level of $40 million, will serve to achieve the NHAS objectives to educate all Americans about the threat of HIV. Funding will be used to restore funding to state and local education and health agencies for the implementation of school-based HIV prevention activities, funding to NGOs that support HIV-prevention efforts serving youth in high prevalence communities, and necessary surveillance and data collection efforts—all of which were severely slashed after the FY 2012 cut. The $10 million increase for DASH is part of the $40 million increase for HIV prevention at the CDC, which will focus on the areas and communities most impacted by the 50,000 new HIV infections every year.

The two dedicated funding streams dedicated to supporting efforts to reduce teen pregnancy and provide funding for more comprehensive approaches to sexuality education remained in the President’s budget. The President’s Teen Pregnancy Prevention Initiative, which provides grants to public and private entities to fund evidence-based and innovative, medically accurate, and age-appropriate programs that reduce teen pregnancy and other related risk behaviors, was funded at $104.79 million, just above last year’s funding level. Also included was the mandatory $75 million Personal Responsibility Education Program.

For the third year in a row, the President’s Budget did not include dedicated discretionary funding for ineffective abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. While significantly cutting funding for the evidence-based and data-driven DASH, the Fiscal Year 2012 Omnibus contained an earmark that resurrected funding for the previously discontinued and discredited Community-Based Abstinence Education (CBAE) grant program at $5 million.

However, as it did last year, the President’s budget includes $50 million for the mandatory Title V abstinence-only program. Yet for the first time, the President proposes to fund evidence-based pregnancy prevention efforts targeted to foster care youth with the Title V abstinence-only funds not drawn down by the states. Funded programs would build the evidence base for pregnancy prevention for foster care youth and adapt evidence-based models to fit the needs of this population and would not be limited to the Title V definition of “Abstinence Education.

“The President has shown that he has his health and education priorities in order,” said Rodriguez, adding that, “Eliminating wasteful spending for ineffective abstinence-only-until-marriage programs that do not meet the needs of young people and instead funding programs that are evidence-based and cover the wide range of topics young people need to succeed is smart policy and proves to young people that they are not just political chits to be traded.”

The Obama administration’s budget also maintains level funding for the Title X family planning program and excludes the DC abortion ban, a policy rider that undermines the ability of District residents to decide how they want to spend their own taxpayer dollars on medically necessary abortion for those who cannot afford it.

“The President’s Budget Request is a solid starting point to address the unintended pregnancy, HIV, and STD epidemics in the United States but we have do even more if we are going to achieve SIECUS’ vision of a sexually health America . We look forward to working with Congress in the coming months to build on the President’s request and provide adequate funding for the sexual and reproductive health education and services that all Americans need to be healthy,” concluded Rodriguez.

Please contact Jen Heitel Yakush with any questions or comments at (202) 265-2405 or jyakush@siecus.org.

###
The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) affirms that sexuality is a fundamental part of being human, one that is worthy of dignity and respect. We advocate for the right of all people to accurate information, comprehensive education about sexuality, and sexual health services. SIECUS works to create a world that ensures social justice and sexual rights.

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Look it! The NYC Pleasure Chest becomes P3’s sponsor

4 May

Poly Patao Productions would like to give a huge thank  you to The Pleasure Chest NYC for becoming its official sponsor. The Pleasure Chest will provide P3 play parties with lube, condoms, give-aways and raffle prizes. FYI, our next play party is on May 12, 2012. Help us celebrate National Masturbation Month with our PHUK IT! play party. This months theme is “Spank Bank Realities.”

Poly Patao Productions is happy to accept The Pleasure Chest’s sponsorship and to form a sex positive alliance with a great business. The Pleasure Chest celebrated 40 years in the community and has become a wonderfully recognized advocate for a shame-free, desire-filled experience in-store and out.

Since 1971, The Pleasure Chest has helped pioneer a sex positive culture, with an emphasis on education, enjoyment and inclusivity. For 40 years, we’ve been a resource for the best products and the most accurate information to make your life sexier. Along the way, we’ve appeared on Sex & The City and Entourage and even shown up in the lyrics of a Queen song. With stores in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles, we offer every customer a specialized experience in a judgment-free environment, a huge variety of toys and a regular series of free workshops to promote healthy, pleasurable and fulfilling sex for everyone.

Please support the PC as they have been supporting others. The Pleasure Chest is indeed a store where anyone can feel comfortable whether it’s buying your 1st dildo or getting your 10th. The PC serves a wide community base that goes beyond gender and class but also, race and age. It serves young people 18 and over. It serves couples, the BDSM community, single folks, sex industry workers, students, seniors and more. The Pleasure Chest caters to a diverse clientele. It nurtures their diversity and commonalities in various ways but especially with their educational component. The Pleasure Chest was one of the pioneers in creating and facilitating free workshops for the community. They have a clear understanding that their store is not just a sex toy shop but goes beyond that to help foster healthy and positive sex lives for all. The Pleasure Chest offers free workshops every week and range in topics. In-house Sex Specialists and visiting educators teach, lecture and interact with the community to help continue to maintain The Pleasure Chest’s mission.

Since 1971, The Pleasure Chest has firmly believed that everyone
has a fundamental right to pursue sexual fulfillment. We support our
community’s sexual growth and exploration by providing a fun,
educational and specialized experience.

In addition to free workshops, PC continues to be a strong supporter and sponsor to many events in the community. They are committed to community networking and creating healthy relationships with groups, organizations and individuals. I’d like to thank The Pleasure Chest for doing the work they do and for supporting the work of Poly Patao Productions.

Sexual Liberation for all!!!

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What “They” said: The Thought of Leather

25 Apr

*A Fictional, fantasy, taboo infused work-in-progress involving the idea and practice of incest play and Father/daughter love.

I’ve told myself that the existence of leather is a new contemplation for me. It’s as if it just appeared into my adult life. It deliciously smothers bodies, drapes tight around implements of torture and is a common thread of improper connections; of which I am proudly a part of. Of course, this contemplation of leather is in part false. It’s not new; in fact it’s matured. The thought of leather, in reality, has traveled. It brings me to moments of my youth when I was a girl.

I’m the last born of three. The nice little nenita who’s grown up into some of the nice, all of the weird, battling sexual demons, straddling gender anomalies and residing in a trans Two-Spirit identity. I’m not a lady. I’m not a man either but I relish in those rare moments when I’m “Sir”-ed. So I rarely speak of the girl­­—the little girl I used to be for fear that my present self would be erased. I’ve learned that no matter what I express now, that young girl resurfaces and she is strong. The thought of leather resuscitates her and she cannot be ignored. The thought of leather or the feelings brought about by leather, invokes flashes of picture perfect story lines I’ve been ashamed to tell…until today.

The feeling always takes me to the hallway closet of the apartment I grew up in. It’s the closet my family used to hang our jackets, coats and store our sweaters. The closet my parents shared was overrun by my mother’s stuff, so my Pa had to use that closet instead. He’s a simple man. He didn’t need much space. His closet half empty with jeans, white T’s, work boots, short sleeve-button down-shirts called guayaberas, sweaters and his leather jacket. In fact the feeling brings me beyond the hallway closet and straight to him.

I was intrigued with my Pa! I wanted to be with him always. I’d wait for him at the threshold of our apartment. I’d listen for the elevator to slowly creep to a halt and open up. He’d waft out and walk quickly toward the apartment–toward me. Efficient, stern and quick–– he was, I’d hear the rustle of the leather jacket I’d often try on. It draped over me heavily. The arms hanging low to the ground. The body puffed out on the sides. I was lost and held secure by it. I anticipated with one flip-flopped foot in the house and the other cheating the threshold line. My right eye tried desperately to defy biology. I thought I could will-it to curve just a little to see Pa walking, without being seen. Rather than biological defiance, my body, not my eye, curved and popped out revealing myself to him. Excited, I’d run to him. Pa always acted surprised for my benefit. He’d whip his cool police-shades off, drop to one knee and wait for my powerful pounce and embrace. I sunk into his body, his jacket. Life was pumped into my lungs as I took in the merging of scents–leather, beer and cigarettes. That was his essence–his machismo.  Papi was everything! He kind of looked like a Latino Wolf Man Jack–full beard, mustache and a head full of wavy hair bordering an Afro. He scooped me up into his strong arms to walk me the rest of the way to our front door. I’d nestle my small nose in the crook of his neck and the horizon of the leather collar. I felt safe. That strength and safety embraced me for years.

My dad was a blue-collar hard worker. Pa worked his last job for 25 years. Twenty -two years at the site where the towers once stood and the remaining 3 elsewhere– after they were taken down. He worked the night shift. He arrived home every night after midnight. My siblings and I would already be tucked away in bed but none-the-less Pa had a ritual to complete. He’d smoke a cigarette out front before entering the apartment complex, rode the elevator up, entered our home and b-lined it to our rooms–– first checking on my brother and ending with my sister and I. For years, I thought he only checked in on me. I was the baby of the house and his special bebe. His scent would claim the room as he cracked the door to peer in. I’d always wake up to it. Eyes heavy with grit, holding my arms high up into the air to steal some hard hugs and float back to sleep.

Those leather, beer and smoke infused hugs and late night check-ins dwindled, as I got older.  Mami told me once that Pa stopped hugging me because he wanted to be respectful of my maturing body. My heart was broken. I thought I’d always be his little girl. I missed the drift of him in my room, my face nesting on his shoulder and my nose dug deep into leather and neck. I longed for that safety–that love.

I’ve been on a quest for that. A quest for love, strength, dedication and safety I received from my Papi. Since then, that sweet, excited girl has evolved and the remembrance of my Pa in all his hunkiness, leather and love has come to a new fruition. I have proudly taken hold of the Electra Complex and molded it to get me off and hang me off edges of psychological play. I live my life as an in-control, confident person but at night, in the dark and in secret, I have delved deep into the girl. She has gone through many transformations as a victim, vulnerable, needy, loving, nasty and manipulative. The thought of leather pin-points the mapping of my sick desires and allows me to take that journey. I consent to it!

I re-write, re-imagine, re-live and revel in Father/daughter love. This taboo offers me what I long for and need. It gives me those moments––those lovely moments, tender and real. I soak those moments with new desire–a construction of memories and yearning. Shifting reality about the training bra Pa never saw me in, the panties he never sniffed and the pampers he never tore off to get to me. I twist and probe the darkest reaches of my psyche to grasp onto what scares me the most, what makes me vulnerable and what makes me hard. It delves in obscenity, harbors sinful fantasies and borders a truth. Being a little girl had been my secret. The fact that her existence rests firmly on incestuous taboo is but a small detail.

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Look it! Amazingly Queer Race

7 Apr

Psst! Wanna do something fun? Wanna help a cause by doing it? Yes? Well this is a win/ win situation! Queers for Economic Justice is holding their annual fundraising event “The Amazingly Queer Race” on May 19, 2012. If you like healthy, silly competition and you want to support a wonderful organization, sign up now! The Race will take participants on a journey around the city finding clues and solving a puzzle–all in the name of economic justice! You can create your own team, volunteer or donate. There are so many ways to be involved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why am I asking you to support QEJ? Well, I’m one of the founding board members of this outstanding organization. I believe in the work it continues to do and our queer community is better off because of them. QEJ was talking about the intersections of  queers, welfare and poverty before anyone had language around it.

Check out their website, sign up for the race and get involved now!

Queers for Economic Justice is a progressive non-profit organization committed to promoting economic justice in a context of sexual and gender liberation.

Our goal is to challenge and change the systems that create poverty and economic injustice in our communities, and to promote an economic system that embraces sexual and gender diversity.

We are committed to the principle that access to social and economic resources is a fundamental right, and we work to create social and economic equity through grassroots organizing, public education, advocacy and research.

We do this work because although poor queers have always been a part of both the gay rights and economic justice movements, they have been, and continue to be, largely invisible in both movements.

This work will always be informed by the lived experiences and expressed needs of queer people in poverty.

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What “They” said: Accountability

17 Mar

INTRO

I am a strong believer in accountability. Holding others and myself to a standard is important and takes the commitment of well-intended community folks to create a productive process of accountability.

I enacted a process of accountability for myself, to supporters of my work, my chosen family and the community at large. Through this process, one cannot access themselves solely.  One needs the assessment of others and within that, growth and positive change can occur. I’d like to share a story…

PART1

Once upon a time I was a confident sex educator who loved in life, taught people about sexy sex, kink, radical relationships and all the wonderful complex ways to work towards this beauty.

Sex education and forming community, creating events and formulating political thought around it became a huge part of my life. This beauty was something that I had never thought I could experience. When I was a child and as a young adult, I unfortunately experienced trauma to my body, mind and spirit of a forced sexual nature.  These experiences propelled me into unhealthy forms of expressing love and sex. Years of trial and error, struggle and therapy helped to create a new direction and healthy view of what sex, sexual expression, relationships, and getting there could look like. This excited me very much and I worked hard to find and sustain this beauty within myself.

I had taught myself to recognize the things that caused me pain, triggered memories of past trauma and the things that didn’t allow for me to make my own choices. I found creative ways to create rules for myself and for those around me to understand, accept and heed to. This was an amazing feat for me. It made me feel powerful, in control and present in my own body. No longer did I have to disassociate with the beauty, soar out of my own body, lack agency and feel dirty. This was a fine day for me.

I felt I had made it! The beauty became so wonderfully big that I wanted to share it with my own community. Feeling indestructible in my new found power, I felt I had attained sexual liberation and went on to teach others about this magnanimous beauty.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end here. This, of course, is no fairy tale. It’s about a wrong that I have done and need to right….

PART 2

I helped organize an intimate play party in which I set the rules as I always do.

Some of which are to drink responsibly and use safer sex materials.

I broke those rules. I drank and went way passed my limit and blacked out.

I am disgusted and ashamed with my actions.

I am so fearful that I will loose credibility in the work I have done on consent and boundary setting and I am terrified that I have pushed my survivor work back so far that I have damaged myself.

I demolished a sense of a safer space and I was instrumental in violating my own boundaries and mental health*

PART 3

My work has greatly revolved around boundary setting, agency and consent. This holds very important to me as a survivor, a sex(uality) educator, a parent and as a person seen in the world as a woman. I gravely broke my own boundaries, put myself at risk, put my name and work in jeopardy and within that tragic event, learned something about myself. I learned that there is more work to be done.

I lost something along the path of sexual liberation. I often tell folks that no one ever becomes an anti-racist, an anti-sexist or becomes sexually liberated. It is a life long path we journey on. I apologize for stepping off my journey.

I have communicated and reached out to many folks to aid in setting my intentions to do work necessary to make amends. I want to share with you some of the steps in my accountability process.

*I contacted my chosen family for guidance, accountability steps and support.

*I contacted folks at the event to apologize for breaking my own rules and offering myself for folks to contact me regarding my behavior.

*I have called upon fellow sex educators for guidance

*I will be making clearer announcements about alcohol at my parties and even considering making them dry events.

*Until I decide though, I will not be drinking. I will “out” my behavior to participants to use myself as an example regarding consent and I will be having 2 other people work alongside me to be monitors at said events.

*I will be re-visiting therapy

*Finally, I intended to “out” my behavior in a more public forum by creating this blog post.

PART 4

I am pleased that in my communication with folks, I have gotten helpful, direct and honest feedback. I thank you all for that. I have taken this very seriously and I am embarking on yet another crossing in my life’s work. Although scary to open up old/ past wounds, I see it as quite necessary in order to follow a righteous path of what I have spent years building.

I apologize to those who held me to a standard that I faltered. I apologize for forgetting. I apologize for causing any damage. I appreciate you all taking the time to read, taking in and respond if need be. I accept the consequences associated with my actions.

 

My journey continues…

Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx

 

*Partial quotes from letter sent to chosen family and participants of the event.

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