Tag Archives: Papi Coxxx

What “They” Said: P3 Play Parties Coming To a Close

1 Nov

It has been a great honor to have organized and help sustain queer and trans play party gatherings for almost 12 years. My play parties were born from a need in (some) queer and trans People of Color (POC) communities, as was the group that started it all. These early steps into my sexual liberation journey created a positive domino affect for future works. Shades of Poly (SOP) came about for the same reasons that the play parties emerged. I didn’t see enough POC within this “sexual alternative world.” Groups and play spaces were predominantly White and lacked racial consciousness. I came out as polyamorous and felt alone. Every group I attended was, as I stated, predominantly White and or  cis-male dominated. There began my venture into finding out why POC were not accessing those spaces or why White folks were not making those spaces accessible to us. Soon after embarking on my quest to find answers, I did what most of us do. I started my own group.

SOP emerged under the guise of Poly Patao Productions (P3). SOP was a social group in which queer and trans POC who identified as poly, eternally single, creepers, excessive daters, cheaters, non-monogamous, freaky and or kinky, came together for workshops, discussions and later on the play parties.  I found community at SOP. We educated each other and grew together. After about 4 years of heading the group, I handed it over to group members. I was ready to move from social groups to more of a political framework. At that time, a lover and I began Revolutionstar.

Revolutionstar was a joint effort of my P3 work and her work.  We worked together for about 3 years. In that time, we organized community events such as “Rev-Ho-Lution.” We created a series of educational classes, which combined sexuality and politics called “Poly-tics.” We produced play parties, we wrote articles and we organized several sexual liberation retreats called “Purge.” The work we accomplished was amazing. In the end, we went our separate ways and continued doing our individual work and I continued to concentrate on P3.

Then and now, my work expanded to include performances, film, blog, anthology writings, workshops, and lectures. Throughout all of the political and artistic work, I worked hard to maintain the play parties. In the beginning, the parties were POC-only and later on, intentional multi-racial play spaces. At first the parties were sporadic, then monthly, seasonal and eventually stayed at every other month. The parties have cycled from “The Play Party Named Desire,” to “Afternoon Delight,” to “PHUK IT!” These play parties have held anywhere from 15 to 60 people. They have been multi-racial. They have ranged from $10-$25. They have catered to people 21 years of age to 67. These parties have enjoyed a wonderful array of  body types and gender expressions. Damn! I’m gonna miss these parties.

It has been an absolute joy to organize these parties. I’ve often stated that my parties where a wonderful gateway to other events and parties. It sort of broke you in and allowed for more. I simultaneously catered to the “newbie” and the expert. In my guesstimation,  over 75% of participants had never been to a play party, were traumatized by an all White party or had been to a play party but never played. Throughout the years I have been told that my parties created comfort, ease and allowed people to explore. I am so happy that I had a hand in satisfying many people. LOL! Unfortunately, as all good things, this too must come to an end. Just the parties, not the satisfying! It’s been a long run and now my energy will refocus. I plan on re-working my website.  I’ll be trying to concentrate more on producing my documentary and hopefully writing a book or two. Although I will not organize the bi-monthly play parties, I will continue to organize “Four-Play,” the traveling play party.

I want to thank everyone who has ever come to one of P3’s parties. Your enthusiasm and support has meant so much to me. I’m so happy I was able to walk with you, if only for a moment, of your life long sexual liberation journey. Thank you for entrusting me to try and create a safer space for you. Thank you for letting go and having fun in ways you have never done in public. Thank you for understanding why these spaces were so much more important than just a place to fuck. Thank you! I hope to see you all at sporadic parties and of course my final play party PHUK IT! November 10, 2012.

Sexual Liberation for all!!!

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What “They” Said: Sexual Liberation???

17 Oct


The concept of sexual liberation has sprouted an array of subtopics that are a culmination of my work as a sex(uality) educator. There is so much to write on the idea of sexual liberation that I’ve decided to create a series of these topics. The next several blog posts will be dedicated to “Sexual Liberation.”  Below, I’ve begun with an overview of my thoughts on the broad subject. The posts to come, will feature subcategories of sexual liberation concepts such as safe space, race play, the politics of sex and fetish co-opting of marginalized cultures.

 Thoughts on Sex Lib

I’ve created and facilitated several workshops focused on sexual liberation. Sexual liberation, much like other terms hold different meanings to different people. I’ve focused on liberation as an intentional path in one’s life. I do not frame it as one’s destination. It’s a journey we choose to take, stay on, fall off, re-route and so on. In my opinion, you never get to it–exhale and relax. You never look back and say to yourself, “I finally made it.”  If we did, then we would forget how we got there. We would get a little too comfortable. We could no longer be active in the journey because there would be no place to go. My hope for sexual liberation, we’d always be mindful, alert and in motion. We’d be moving towards this place, that’s not a place, but a constant ever shifting realm that holds the entirety of our experiences. Does that make sense?

When I searched for sexual liberation on Google, I found that many results placed the focus on sex. It was about the act of it. It was about the shift of who was doing it, how they were doing it, with whom they were doing it and how much. I guess it makes sense to think squarely about SEX when digesting the idea of sexual liberation. Another search result was Wikipedia’s definition. Wikipedia positions sexual liberation within the experience of the sexual revolution:

The sexual revolution (also known as a time of “sexual liberation”) was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the Western world from the 1960s to the 1980s. Sexual liberation included increased acceptance of sex outside of traditional heterosexual, monogamous relationships (primarily marriage). Contraception and the pill, public nudity, the normalization of homosexuality and alternative forms of sexuality, and the legalization of abortion all followed.

What came first, the chicken or the egg; sexual liberation or the revolution? Whether it was the catapult or the product, sexual liberation IS about sex. It’s also about the history of the sexual revolution that helps keep us on the endless path. Sexual liberation is embedded in understanding systems of oppression, the role of power, communication and accountability. It incorporates and goes beyond the physical act of sex. It soars and helps us name our desires. Encourages us to bring it to the forefront, share it, do it and learn from it. Sexual liberation isn’t about careless, crazed, selfish sex addiction. In my minds eye, it’s about honesty, growth, agency and sexual health.

I fear some of us on the journey have claimed a false sense of “arrival.” Much like people who deem themselves anti-racists, “sexually liberated” people have stopped traveling, unpacked their bags and are relaxing in the bliss of so-called liberation. I think lots of us have done it. At one point in my own journey, I thought I had reached my final destination but I was dead wrong. A friend of mine held me accountable to my words and my actions. I was so grateful for that. It reminded me. He reminded me of my continued journey. I hope this will remind some of you.

For some of us, one act propelled us into a sexual freedom we’d only dreamed about. That act might have been, asking for what you want, going to a play party, saying no, touching yourself for the first time, looking at yourself naked, watching porn, having queer sex or coming out as polyamorous. We feel different, happy, invigorated and shall I say, sexually liberated. The sexual freedom and liberation we feel is subjective. It holds different meaning for everyone. Hopefully if we are intentional about being on this journey, we can function within a framework that is universal. This framework can help keep guiding us and remind us that we do not live in a vacuum. We are connected to the wider world. Whether we are speaking of sexual liberation or the revolution, these uprisings initially came about to level the playing fields between men and women. It was a fight to question/shift gender roles and sexual expectations. It was about women having more say over their own bodies. The revolution grew and continues to grow, therefore we must move and grow with it. When we end the journey, several things can occur: we take on false titles as being sexually liberated, we stop or forget about the work ahead of us, we sometimes segregate ourselves in bubbles of comfort and we position ourselves in a place of sexual privilege.

Bubbles of comfort

I absolutely love my bubble! My bubble of comfort consists of queer and trans kinky activists and or artists of color. These are my people. They get me. We understand each other. In my bubble, I don’t have to explain race/ racism or my pronoun. In my bubble, I feel at home. These bubble serve many purposes especially for oppressed and marginalized folks. For example, a bubble of Queer people with disabilities is very different from a bubble of White cis men. One bubble is out of necessity/survival and the other is something else completely. I see my bubble/bubbles of those whom are marginalized, as a very essential function for our mental health. In the same breath, we must be careful not to isolate ourselves. Existing exclusively in our bubbles can limit us. Flowing in and outside our bubbles gives us perspective, allows us to receive ally ship, forces us to challenge ourselves  and others. It allows for accountability.

Sexual privilege

To name ourselves sexually enlightened or liberated gives us the false sense that we can do no wrong within our sexual lives. This is simply not true. I have been on my path for some time now, and I continue to make mistakes. It reminds me that I am human. It pushes me to dig deeper and allows me to go further. I will always have something to learn. Our ideas of sexual liberation could also work to make us seem holier-than-thou in comparison to other groups of people on different points on the path. We also run the risk of having our bubble of comfort, morph from necessity to an exclusionary click. It gives the notion that the supposed further you are on this path, the better, smarter, superior sex and ultimate understanding of sex(ulaity) you have. We then aid in creating yet another hierarchy. Sexual liberation should be spiral, linear or continuous. It should be ever flowing. We should be able to move side to side, up or down. This very idea supports gender transition, coming out as queer or poly, being a switch or the act of pegging. Once upon a time, there lived only one idea of sex/sexuality. Do we want to revert to the one idea or experience the complexities of this continuous revolution? Liberation is messy. It doesn’t fit into a nice simple package. That is the beauty of it.

Universal framework

To reiterate, when we stay exclusively in our bubbles or we claim a sort of sexual enlightenment that sets us apart from everyone else we get stuck. We limit ourselves from the continued growth and the idea of an endless path of knowledge. Staying open to our own sexual realities as well as those outside of it aids to inform us in a micro and macro way. Our paths are our own and simultaneously collective pieces of information we share. This sharing also allows in the minimizing of secluded paths. When we feel we are alone, we feel that no one feels as we do. We see our experience as isolated and thus not a part of the larger world. Understanding our connection to the larger world puts into perspective the idea of liberation as a political concept. For example, the fight for women’s rights, struggle against sodomy laws, abortion issues, the de-sexualization and sterilization of people with disabilities, transgender rights, gay liberation and the fight for comprehensive sex education in this country.

There have been many proposed suggestions for guiding principles in sexual liberation. Even within this framework, the unpacking of these terms are hugely subjective. Some guidelines may be communication, consent, boundary setting, safer sex, non-coerciveness, non-violence and self-love. Once we grasp these things for ourselves they can shift. Our lessons are not rigid. They are shift-able. We have the right to do what is fit for us. Our passage allows us to accept or reject where we stand in this path. We get to question, examine, discuss and hash out what communication is to us. We figure out how to set boundaries. We try to understand what self-love is. What does safer sex look like? How is my definition in comparison to the person/persons I want to engage with? Our work is to explore. No one has one true answer. There are many. Whether we intentionally name our journey sexual liberation or we just start walking, we are all on a path.

Sexual Liberation for all!!!






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Check it out!: We-Vibe 3

12 Sep

We-Vibe has done it again…but better! I’ve owned the We-Vibe 1, the We-Vibe 2 and now– happily, the We-Vibe 3!

The We-Vibe is what some might call a “modern day” adult toy. It’s a unique, handy, small, multi-purpose gadget. At first sight, you might think, “What the heck is that?” “How do you use it?” Don’t get discouraged by it’s strange “C” shape. It’s cleverly designed to be worn while enjoying penetration.

The bottom end of the “C” shape enters the front hole, cunt or pussy while the top of the “C” rests on the clit or dik. You can experience a variety of vibration modes while the bottom portion of the toy nuzzles your g-spot. It’s the only toy on the market that is designed for not only dual stimulation (external and internal) but also dual stimulation that is enhanced with inserting your partner’s dick, a dildo, or a hand into your hole. The fingers, cock or dildo rub up against the bottom of the inserted “C” and help to push it further into your g-spot. The vibration is felt by both of you.

What sets the We-Vibe 3 aside from the 1 and 2 is power, convenience and style. All of the vibes are 100% silicone and function the same way but the We-Vibe 1 simply had a switch that turned it on and off. It felt great but only had one setting. The 1 was a good beginning to a great toy. The 2 stepped it up a notch by giving us 9 vibration modes and the 3 knocked it out the park by giving us 40% more power, making it totally water proof (not water resistant), the use of a remote control (rather than pressing the head of the toy to change modes) and a snazzy carrying case that doubles as the charger.

..But wait, that’s not all. Although it’s designed to be used as a couples toy–“WE”-VIBE–get it? It can also be used as a solo toy. Insert and enjoy. Insert, rock on it and enjoy. Insert, use a vibrator or dildo and super enjoy!

But wait, there’s even more! Although the toy is not marketed to be used anally, IT CAN! The silicone material makes this toy one that can be used in both orifices without transmitting bacteria or yeast. Insert the bottom portion into your bum and the top part can vibrate oh so wonderfully on the perineum. If you have a prostate, this can feel amazing. Try it alone or insert something else in there too! The balls like to be nestled by the We-Vibe as well. Just gently open the “C” shape flexible mouth and wrap it around the balls to give them an extra UMPH! Give a blowjob or a sweet hand job to accommodate.

There are just two things that I think can be improved on but truly minor in comparison to all the joy this toy brings. 1. To turn the W-Vibe on, you must turn it on by pressing the top edge point of the “C”, and then the remote can be used. You can, however turn the toy off with the remote buy just holding down on it. 2. The remote (of course) does not function through the body so in the throws of passion you must aim the remote towards the toy. On the upside, the remote works up to 10 feet away.

There you have it! A multifaceted toy that’s hypoallergenic, waterproof and did I mention rechargeable. It’s couple and solo friendly and loves to be put into and around multiple (fun) places. Yeah We-Vibe 3!

You can purchase We-Vibe 3 or any We-Vibe product via their website, go to The Pleasure Chest website or just go to your local Pleasure Chest store  (In New York, Chicago or Los Angeles). ENJOY!!!!

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What “They” Said: These Things

13 Aug


When I was a child, I prayed for “them”


Those things that separated the little girls from desirable womanhood

Papa Dios, if you give them to me, I promise…

Te lo prometo que…

I’ll be a good girl

He never answered

I kept praying

And other girls continued to exceed

In comparison

To me


I’d listen to and implement action to remedy my lack of these

Examining, probing pinching and hoping to catch up

I wore my 1st training bra when I was 10

Didn’t need to though

My nipples barely puffed out

To be noticed



He rubbed them so completely

Using the palm of his hands

To explore

Circular motions

My chest rose and fell

With each deep breath of excitement

It was the 1st time they were touched

With my wanting

I wondered if he’d want to touch them again

Or touch another 12-year olds­­­–

Whose heaves ASCEND higher than mine



They dripped constantly


That was the biggest they have ever been


There was no hiding them

I had grown accustomed to having so little

In this life

That I felt “sexy” un-comfortability

They had become a focal point

I was no longer “me”

I became “them”

My voluptuous breasts were my identity marker

For men


At 18 I found myself propelled to exhibit this un-comfortability

A point I had to make

Nursing in public was under attack

We took our stand

Sitting on the trains, in parks and on buses

We took our stand

Against sexual men who could not

Hold it in their pants

We took a stand

We laid bare

Our children fed

And men found a way to keep their sexual sanity

In the mists of naked protest



I decided to burn my bras!

I walked about exposed

Dark nipples grazed white tanks

I felt power

I choose this form of protest


My 20’s were filled with rallies, organizing and clenched fists rising

Bouncy, bra-less dykes

Who didn’t give a fuck

About how men felt

About it

These things

Our collective things

I am elated




In my 30’s gravity had begun

The aftermath of nursing

Had depleted the density of the curves

But it had not depleted my want for these things


Sports bras are what I used


Exhibition CLOSED!

The push-up


The non-existent barrier

Between the world and myself


I eliminated the inevitable bounce

And the onset of sag

They were nicely compacted


But I unwillingly reinstated the focal point

Masculinity added a questionable gaze


They were to be viewed


Violently feared


I grew confused by my relationship to them

Others confused me

The molding of them

Up and out


My new molding of them,



Less revealing


Unsafely tucked away




Here I am

40 and beyond

I’m not supposed to like these things



We proclaim untruths

A re-telling

Re- learning of gender and sex

We proclaim that the body dictates NOT who we are

I experience this untruth

Because I am brushed aside


My body cracked open

Exposed to probing eyes

Intrusive questions

Validity needed here


I have these things that I do not hate

I feel no need to terminate

Binder on

I am trans

Binder off

I am

Questionable yet again


We speak lies of fluidity

We utter it as a possibility

A utopia that is never reached

Most travel to the edges

Some pushed

They fall because of this

Falsely reconstructing the constructed

I visit these places

I do not want to stay

I am most comfortable navigating the waves


These things that live upon me

My body

Are my power and my weakness

Time has changed their purpose

Changed my love


My acceptance of them

These wonderful







These things

These things that live upon my body



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What “They” said: The Thought of Leather

25 Apr

*A Fictional, fantasy, taboo infused work-in-progress involving the idea and practice of incest play and Father/daughter love.

I’ve told myself that the existence of leather is a new contemplation for me. It’s as if it just appeared into my adult life. It deliciously smothers bodies, drapes tight around implements of torture and is a common thread of improper connections; of which I am proudly a part of. Of course, this contemplation of leather is in part false. It’s not new; in fact it’s matured. The thought of leather, in reality, has traveled. It brings me to moments of my youth when I was a girl.

I’m the last born of three. The nice little nenita who’s grown up into some of the nice, all of the weird, battling sexual demons, straddling gender anomalies and residing in a trans Two-Spirit identity. I’m not a lady. I’m not a man either but I relish in those rare moments when I’m “Sir”-ed. So I rarely speak of the girl­­—the little girl I used to be for fear that my present self would be erased. I’ve learned that no matter what I express now, that young girl resurfaces and she is strong. The thought of leather resuscitates her and she cannot be ignored. The thought of leather or the feelings brought about by leather, invokes flashes of picture perfect story lines I’ve been ashamed to tell…until today.

The feeling always takes me to the hallway closet of the apartment I grew up in. It’s the closet my family used to hang our jackets, coats and store our sweaters. The closet my parents shared was overrun by my mother’s stuff, so my Pa had to use that closet instead. He’s a simple man. He didn’t need much space. His closet half empty with jeans, white T’s, work boots, short sleeve-button down-shirts called guayaberas, sweaters and his leather jacket. In fact the feeling brings me beyond the hallway closet and straight to him.

I was intrigued with my Pa! I wanted to be with him always. I’d wait for him at the threshold of our apartment. I’d listen for the elevator to slowly creep to a halt and open up. He’d waft out and walk quickly toward the apartment–toward me. Efficient, stern and quick–– he was, I’d hear the rustle of the leather jacket I’d often try on. It draped over me heavily. The arms hanging low to the ground. The body puffed out on the sides. I was lost and held secure by it. I anticipated with one flip-flopped foot in the house and the other cheating the threshold line. My right eye tried desperately to defy biology. I thought I could will-it to curve just a little to see Pa walking, without being seen. Rather than biological defiance, my body, not my eye, curved and popped out revealing myself to him. Excited, I’d run to him. Pa always acted surprised for my benefit. He’d whip his cool police-shades off, drop to one knee and wait for my powerful pounce and embrace. I sunk into his body, his jacket. Life was pumped into my lungs as I took in the merging of scents–leather, beer and cigarettes. That was his essence–his machismo.  Papi was everything! He kind of looked like a Latino Wolf Man Jack–full beard, mustache and a head full of wavy hair bordering an Afro. He scooped me up into his strong arms to walk me the rest of the way to our front door. I’d nestle my small nose in the crook of his neck and the horizon of the leather collar. I felt safe. That strength and safety embraced me for years.

My dad was a blue-collar hard worker. Pa worked his last job for 25 years. Twenty -two years at the site where the towers once stood and the remaining 3 elsewhere– after they were taken down. He worked the night shift. He arrived home every night after midnight. My siblings and I would already be tucked away in bed but none-the-less Pa had a ritual to complete. He’d smoke a cigarette out front before entering the apartment complex, rode the elevator up, entered our home and b-lined it to our rooms–– first checking on my brother and ending with my sister and I. For years, I thought he only checked in on me. I was the baby of the house and his special bebe. His scent would claim the room as he cracked the door to peer in. I’d always wake up to it. Eyes heavy with grit, holding my arms high up into the air to steal some hard hugs and float back to sleep.

Those leather, beer and smoke infused hugs and late night check-ins dwindled, as I got older.  Mami told me once that Pa stopped hugging me because he wanted to be respectful of my maturing body. My heart was broken. I thought I’d always be his little girl. I missed the drift of him in my room, my face nesting on his shoulder and my nose dug deep into leather and neck. I longed for that safety–that love.

I’ve been on a quest for that. A quest for love, strength, dedication and safety I received from my Papi. Since then, that sweet, excited girl has evolved and the remembrance of my Pa in all his hunkiness, leather and love has come to a new fruition. I have proudly taken hold of the Electra Complex and molded it to get me off and hang me off edges of psychological play. I live my life as an in-control, confident person but at night, in the dark and in secret, I have delved deep into the girl. She has gone through many transformations as a victim, vulnerable, needy, loving, nasty and manipulative. The thought of leather pin-points the mapping of my sick desires and allows me to take that journey. I consent to it!

I re-write, re-imagine, re-live and revel in Father/daughter love. This taboo offers me what I long for and need. It gives me those moments––those lovely moments, tender and real. I soak those moments with new desire–a construction of memories and yearning. Shifting reality about the training bra Pa never saw me in, the panties he never sniffed and the pampers he never tore off to get to me. I twist and probe the darkest reaches of my psyche to grasp onto what scares me the most, what makes me vulnerable and what makes me hard. It delves in obscenity, harbors sinful fantasies and borders a truth. Being a little girl had been my secret. The fact that her existence rests firmly on incestuous taboo is but a small detail.

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What “They” said: Accountability

17 Mar


I am a strong believer in accountability. Holding others and myself to a standard is important and takes the commitment of well-intended community folks to create a productive process of accountability.

I enacted a process of accountability for myself, to supporters of my work, my chosen family and the community at large. Through this process, one cannot access themselves solely.  One needs the assessment of others and within that, growth and positive change can occur. I’d like to share a story…


Once upon a time I was a confident sex educator who loved in life, taught people about sexy sex, kink, radical relationships and all the wonderful complex ways to work towards this beauty.

Sex education and forming community, creating events and formulating political thought around it became a huge part of my life. This beauty was something that I had never thought I could experience. When I was a child and as a young adult, I unfortunately experienced trauma to my body, mind and spirit of a forced sexual nature.  These experiences propelled me into unhealthy forms of expressing love and sex. Years of trial and error, struggle and therapy helped to create a new direction and healthy view of what sex, sexual expression, relationships, and getting there could look like. This excited me very much and I worked hard to find and sustain this beauty within myself.

I had taught myself to recognize the things that caused me pain, triggered memories of past trauma and the things that didn’t allow for me to make my own choices. I found creative ways to create rules for myself and for those around me to understand, accept and heed to. This was an amazing feat for me. It made me feel powerful, in control and present in my own body. No longer did I have to disassociate with the beauty, soar out of my own body, lack agency and feel dirty. This was a fine day for me.

I felt I had made it! The beauty became so wonderfully big that I wanted to share it with my own community. Feeling indestructible in my new found power, I felt I had attained sexual liberation and went on to teach others about this magnanimous beauty.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t end here. This, of course, is no fairy tale. It’s about a wrong that I have done and need to right….


I helped organize an intimate play party in which I set the rules as I always do.

Some of which are to drink responsibly and use safer sex materials.

I broke those rules. I drank and went way passed my limit and blacked out.

I am disgusted and ashamed with my actions.

I am so fearful that I will loose credibility in the work I have done on consent and boundary setting and I am terrified that I have pushed my survivor work back so far that I have damaged myself.

I demolished a sense of a safer space and I was instrumental in violating my own boundaries and mental health*


My work has greatly revolved around boundary setting, agency and consent. This holds very important to me as a survivor, a sex(uality) educator, a parent and as a person seen in the world as a woman. I gravely broke my own boundaries, put myself at risk, put my name and work in jeopardy and within that tragic event, learned something about myself. I learned that there is more work to be done.

I lost something along the path of sexual liberation. I often tell folks that no one ever becomes an anti-racist, an anti-sexist or becomes sexually liberated. It is a life long path we journey on. I apologize for stepping off my journey.

I have communicated and reached out to many folks to aid in setting my intentions to do work necessary to make amends. I want to share with you some of the steps in my accountability process.

*I contacted my chosen family for guidance, accountability steps and support.

*I contacted folks at the event to apologize for breaking my own rules and offering myself for folks to contact me regarding my behavior.

*I have called upon fellow sex educators for guidance

*I will be making clearer announcements about alcohol at my parties and even considering making them dry events.

*Until I decide though, I will not be drinking. I will “out” my behavior to participants to use myself as an example regarding consent and I will be having 2 other people work alongside me to be monitors at said events.

*I will be re-visiting therapy

*Finally, I intended to “out” my behavior in a more public forum by creating this blog post.


I am pleased that in my communication with folks, I have gotten helpful, direct and honest feedback. I thank you all for that. I have taken this very seriously and I am embarking on yet another crossing in my life’s work. Although scary to open up old/ past wounds, I see it as quite necessary in order to follow a righteous path of what I have spent years building.

I apologize to those who held me to a standard that I faltered. I apologize for forgetting. I apologize for causing any damage. I appreciate you all taking the time to read, taking in and respond if need be. I accept the consequences associated with my actions.


My journey continues…

Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx


*Partial quotes from letter sent to chosen family and participants of the event.

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Look it! Lots of porn, anthologies and a resource guide…

12 Mar

There is so much to share with you all. Here are a bunch of wonderful releases and forthcoming writings you should have on your radar….Sexual liberation for all!!!

New adult comedy “Mommy is Coming“, by Cheryl Dunye and Sarah Schulman was released in Berlin at the Berlinale Film Festival this past February. I had to privilege of attending the premier and it was amazing. I was so happy to be a part of this project. We are hoping to have a viewing in NYC in April. Cross your fingers.

MOMMY IS COMING is raunchy queer sex filled romance set in the international creative melting pot Berlin. A take on screwball romantic comedies, director Cheryl Dunye (THE WATERMELON WOMAN, STRANGER INSIDE, THE OWLS) adds sexual imagery to her ingenious form of storytelling. Structured like an off beat fairy tale, we follow Claudia, Dylan and Helen as they bumble their way through hotels, queer Berlin nightlife, and their hearts only to realize that in matters of love it sometimes pays to listen to your Mommy.


Tristan Taormino‘s new book “The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role play and Erotic edge”  is out in bookstores. There are so many fantastic contributions to this book. I’m happy to finally have a copy of it. Check out my piece called “Age role play.”

This is more than just a guide to kink, it’s more than a sex manual. Editor Tristan Taormino has brought the players, thinkers and rock stars of the kink scene and together they have created a book that not only lets people know where to start, but why to start, and what they’ll get out of it. Vanillas, novices, old hands, old guard—everyone can learn from this collection.” —Dan Savage Award-winning author, filmmaker and sex educator Tristan Taormino presents this bold and sexy treasury that runs the gamut from expert tutorials on kinky erotic practices to thought-provoking essays that delve into complex questions about desire, power and pleasure. The Ultimate Guide to Kink features the expertise of renowned educators writing passionately on their favorite subjects, including Patrick Califia, Midori, Laura Antoniou, Barbara Carrellas, Lee Harrington, Jack Rinella, Lolita Wolf, Madison Young, Hardy Haberman, Felice Shays, Ignacio Rivera, Sarah Sloane, Mollena Williams, FifthAngel and Edge.

Coming soon…Be on the look out for:

The release of “Orgy Fuckfest” produced by Slanted Tendency. It should be on-line and ready to watch by the end of March. You’ll see the likes of Trick, Jiz Lee, Chocolate Chip and me in this very sexy, super hot POC -orgy-thon.

Queer Porn TV’s “Fuckstyles” is a compilation of some very hot shoots. Of course I got to work with the one and only Jiz Lee and our chemistry is to hot for words.

We gathered our favorite queer porn stars together to make a hard core porno mix tape just for you! We gave these babes complete freedom to be their nasty selves, and they gave us rough sex, double penetration, anal sex, pussy eating, blow jobs, strap ons, finger banging, squirting, POV, masturbation, doggy style, romance.. and loads and loads of real orgasms!! This is the kind of sex queer porn celebrities love to have – and you get to watch! This DVD has it all: cool queer babes, gushing wet orgasms, and great chemistry!

Take a look at the nasty happenings in suite 111 in the release of “Hotel” from Juicy Pink Box Productions.

Spy on our stars in Suite 111 at the JUICY PINK BOX HOTEL. Delores Haze and Rozen Debowe play rough in bed while on vacation in TOURIST. Ela Darling delights in a pre-wedding romp with Papí Coxxx in BACHELORETTE. Ela returns in NEWLYWEDS for a morning-after romp with her new bride, Annabelle Lee. Calico Lane cheats on her husband with Nikki Hearts in ADULTERY. Come enjoy a deliciously voyeuristic experience in HOTEL.

Coming out later on..

“In Search of” will be one of the stories you’ll read in “Perverts of Color.” I am happy to be one of the many contributing writers for this particular anthology .

The voices of US racial minorities in alternative sexual communities are important but often unheard. The Perverts of Color anthology is a collection of voices from people of color (POCs) who participate in alternative sexual and relationship practices which include but are not limited to: S&M, D/s, leather, kink, fetishism, polyamory, and swinging.

Trans Bodies Trans Selves: a resource guide for the transgender community.” I am so pleased to have been able to write a small piece in Trans bodies which ironically enough is called “The Trans Body.”

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves is a resource guide for the transgender population, covering health, legal issues, cultural and social questions, history, theory, and more. It is a place for transgender and gender-questioning people, their partners and families, students, professors, guidance counselors, and others to look for up-to-date information on transgender life. Each chapter will be written by a separate transgender or genderqueer author, but to provide consistency of layout, message and tone, authors will be given guidelines and will work closely with the editor. The book will be aimed at a general transgender and gender-questioning audience, and when using complicated language, will provide definitions and explanations. The tone will be friendly and fun, and will promote trans-positive, feminist and genderqueer advocacy. Included in each section will be anonymous quotes from everyday transgender people, who will be interviewed and also surveyed electronically, so that their voices are heard throughout. Short opinion pieces and testimonials (1-2 pages long) will also be included in each chapter. Finally, each chapter will contain references to resources such as books, movies, and organizations related to the chapter’s topic.

Be sure to check these all out, tell a friend and let me know what you think. Thank you all for your support!



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Look it! Queer Menage a Trois With Sophia St. James

10 Feb

Industry folks James Darling, Maxine Holloway and I get interviewed by Sophi St. James . Read her 1st guest blog post  Queer Ménage à Trois for  Hot Movies for her.

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Look it! “Mommy is Coming” trailer

10 Feb

It’s finally here! The feature length adult comedy by Cheryl Dunye is debuting at Berlinale International Film Festival next week. I’m thrilled to have been apart of this film.

Click on image to see a clip.

DYLAN, a sexy young Berlin femme and her lover CLAUDIA, an American dyke hotel clerk, have that raunchy sex filled life every one dreams of. They fuck all over the city — whenever they want to, however they want to. But hot queer couples have problems.
Dylan wants more from Claudia without giving back her heart while Claudia wants romance and love. And to make problems worse, Dylan’s mother HELEN, in the midst of her own mid-life-sexless-marriage-crisis with her boring husband HANS, has nothing better to do than worry about her little girl who she imagines to be lost in the big city: single and lonely. When Dylan breaks up with Claudia everything starts to heat up and gets mixed even more when Helen decides on a surprise visit to check up on things…
Mommy is coming, and boy does she come!

MOMMY IS COMING is raunchy queer sex filled romance set in the international creative melting pot Berlin. A take on screwball romantic comedies, director Cheryl Dunye (THE WATERMELON WOMAN, STRANGER INSIDE, THE OWLS) adds sexual imagery to her ingenious form of storytelling. Structured like an off beat fairy tale, we follow Claudia, Dylan and Helen as they bumble their way through hotels, queer Berlin nightlife, and their hearts only to realize that in matters of love it sometimes pays to listen to your Mommy.

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Look it! Queer Memoir: LEATHER

10 Feb

Photo by: Syd London

New York’s only queer storytelling event is back with a special guest curator, Sassafras Lowrey, editor of the Kicked Out anthology and nationally known storyteller.

This Leather themed storytelling evening is a benefit for Boston’s Write Here Write Now founded by Toni Amato

Announcing the amazing line-up of storytellers:
Sinclair Sexsmith
Emily Millay-Haddad
Kelli Dunham
Ignacio Rivera
Sara Vibes
Sassafras Lowrey

Sara Vibes a black, polyamorous, queer, kinky, dandy, macho femme princess born and raised in New York City. She is The 25th International Ms Leather 2011 and an active member in The Leather, BDSM, Poly, and LGBT communities in New York City and beyond. She has taught at Playhouse in Baltimore, Dark Odyssey, and International Mr. Leather and many other events and places during her title year. She will also be a contributor of the Perverts of Color Anthology and Salacious Magazine. Her mission is to make sex education accessible to everyone. She hopes to rip the veil off of the shame surrounding sex and sexuality through self love and exploration with people that care about each other.

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies and websites, including Take Me There: Trans and Genderqueer Erotica, she is the guest editor of Best Lesbian Erotica 2012, and her first full-length erotica anthology, Say Please: Lesbian BDSM Erotica, will be published by Cleis Press in April 2012. Mr. Sexsmith writes, teaches, and performs focusing on the subjects of sex, gender, and relationships. More information on her at mrsexsmith.com.

KELLI DUNHAM is a ex-nun, genderqueerious stand-up nerd comic and author of four books of humorous non-fiction, including two children’s books being used by Sonlight conservative home schooling association in their science curriculum. She has appeared on Showtime, the Discovery Channel and was once asked to emcee a livestock auction. Her website is kellidunham.com. She is the co-founder, with Genne Murphy, of Queer Memoir. Her hilarious new family-secret revealing show, Normal at Nite: Good Times & Family Matters with Perfect Strangers (a collaboration with R Eric Thomas) is debuting February 18th at NYC’s Stonewall Inn.

Ignacio Rivera aka Papí Coxxx identifies as a Queer, Trans, gender-fluid, polyamorous, kinky, Black-Boricua. Ignacio, who prefers the gender-neutral pronoun “they,” is a lecturer, activist, wanna-be-filmmaker, sex educator, sex worker, and performance artist, sharing spoken word, one-person shows, and storytelling internationally. Their work has appeared in ColorLines, Ebony, Yellow Medicine Review and in their chapbooks, Las Alas, co-authored by Maceo Cabrera Estévez; Ingridients; and Thoughts, Rants and What Some Might Call Poetry. A proud mom of a 21 year-old daughter, Ignacio is the recipient of a Marsha A. Gómez Cultural Heritage Award from LLEGÓ: The National Latina/o Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Organization

They are also the founder of Poly Patao Productions (P3), which is dedicated to producing sex-positive workshops, performances, educational opportunities and events that are specially geared toward queer women, transgender, multi-gender, gender queer, gender-non-conforming and gender variant folx of color.

Ignacio has been facilitating workshops, doing lectures and creating events for kinky, kinky-curious Queer/Trans POC’s and their white queer and trans allies for over a decade. http://polypataoproductions.com/

Emily Millay Haddad is an independent filmmaker, writer, director, activist and media professional living and working in Brooklyn, New York. She had the words to call herself a “feminist” when she was five, a “white girl” when she was nine, a “lesbian” when she was 17, a “bisexual” shortly after that, and a “queer” when she was 19. At 20, she was “polyamorous;” at 21, she learned about “kiki” dykes in the butch/femme spectrum of 1950s dyke bars and finally had a word for her gender. By 24, she had the words for “kinky” and “switch.” And at 27, she learned the hard way that being “working class” was more than just her history or an economic label. She brings all these words and many more, as well as the life experiences they inadequately describe, to her labor and her yearning as an artist and a lover.

Emily Photo credit: Kjerstin Rossi

Sassafras Lowrey is an international award winning queer author, artist and activist and has been involved in leather community for nearly a decade. Sassafras’ prose have been included in numerous anthologies and ze tours to colleges, universities and community centers across the country facilitating workshops that support LGBTQ/leather people in telling their stories. Sassafras lives in Brooklyn, New York with hir Daddy. You can learn more about Sassafras at www.PoMoFreakshow.com

See you all March 3rd 8pm at

147 W. 24th St., 4th Floor, New York, NY 10011

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